Things may be clearing up. Sure, I have an exposed and infected root, I'm unable to take pain killers due to how it was inducing delirium, and how I was going crazy about my oh, so fragile mortality, but things are looking up. I'm finally beginning to really feel and accept my spirituality that I repressed for so long. It seems to be springing and bursting forth with confidence and beauty. My direction and purpose feels more free flowing and imaginative, yet concrete and realistic. My sense of self, who I want to be and who I am, seems to be blossoming and bursting forth with electric swirls of love and light.
What I feel I lack, funnily enough, may be the nonphysical aspects of sex; the spiritual/psychedelic universal union. Sense I don't put out, that may be a long way off. I wonder if refraining from putting out gives any advantages, or if I'm merely trying to avoid past pitfalls that may not even happen due to how I am not the person I once was.
Doesn't really matter all that much as I've yet to meet a lady I'd really want to even kiss. Not quite true. Whatever seems to be true on a regular basis, or even at all?
Little deer; I love you.
I feel that may be true enough. But I want to be done with assumptions, and so I'll remain open to the possibility that it could be false.
What I mean to say could be more accurately and adequately expressed with:
Wisdom can be found in ignorance and true vulnerability has no boundaries.
I want to live with that always in the back of my mind. At the forefront:
baba nam kevalam
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